It's taken me a long time to get to this point. To start typing something. My brain has so much shit inside and I couldn't figure out how where to put it. So I'm putting it here for now. It's a start. If you're reading this, I hope you're well. Asking someone how they're doing nowadays sort of feels like something tasked for someone who has a degree psychology. I usually say "I'm alive" which I would imagine may come off as morbid. Maybe it's just my way of hiding how I really feel behind humour. Mostly, I'm internally screaming and have been doing so for what feels like the past two years. Aren't we all though? That's what we all have in common right now, right? I'd like to believe that at least.
I've recently tasked myself with leading with kindness. Not easy, but I think people need it. I'm starting to be kinder and gentler to myself and realising the importance of it. I want the people I interact with to feel seen. I've made that apart of my life's work. Everyone from my family and friends, to coworkers and strangers. It's nice to be seen. Even if for a moment. Being kind and gentle isn't weak. It's also not all sunshine and daisies. It's constant work, First inward, then outward. I'm kind to myself first. I try not to scrunch my face up when I look at my body in the mirror. I take deeper, more meaningful breaths. I listen to myself. Shit, I even talk to myself. I try to mentally prepare for whatever the day brings.
I like to tell the people that I love that I love them as often as possible. I probably say it too much. One of the most wonderful childhood memories I have is saying I love you to my mom and to my grandmother. My grandmother would say "143". "I" is one letter, "love" is 4 letters, and "you" is 3 letters". I have it tattooed on my back. I surely did not have much when I was growing up, but I remember feeling loved. I remember getting hugs and kisses. I remember being tickled and laughing really, really, hard. My family shaped me. They continue to shape me. I think that maybe they knew that later on those memories would sustain me. I am who I am because of them. I'm grateful for that. Thanx for reading.
Take care and be well,